The Secret Behind Lili von Shtupp
by ullabloom
Summary: Lili, after losing everything, remembers who she is, and tries to rebuild her life... This explains why she is so...you know...her...and tells you how she ended up in Rock Ridge.
1. Prolouge

**Hello, fiction readers!**

**New Story time! In this one, you'll see a completely different side of Lili von Shtupp, and why she is…how she is! Happy reading!**

**Ullabloom**

"Lili, vat have you done? This is not how I vanted you to end up! Who do you think you are?"

"I am sorry, Papa, I am sorry!"

"You zlut! I expected more vrom you!"

"Leave me alone, Papa! Leave me alone! Vhere do you think I learned?! In Gottes Namen, lassen Sie mich in Ruhe!"

I didn't have a good childhood. Mostly, I had to fend for myself. But I had a father, and…well, what can you say about living with only a father?

Mama died when I was four. Some kind of fever. She told me to tell her grandson about her.

She won't have one.

I forgot who I am, but I remember now.

I am Lili von Studebaker.

* * *

When I was 9, my father and I moved from Dusseldorf to Rock Ridge. Hedly wasn't there to screw things up yet. My father opened up a little strudel shop in the town square. It was really _my _shop. I worked my tiny little ass off, while my father spent his days at the saloon across the dirt road. He came home to the shop, our home, every night…drunk. He collected my profits, went to bed, and sobered up in time for tomorrow's round of drinking.

When I was 13, a man did something to me in the shop. He came in, stole our money, and beat me up. He realized that my father was never there, so he kept coming back. I kept telling by father about him, but he never listened. He just whipped me.

When I was sixteen, the man brought a gun, yelled at me, and told me to undress.

Well…if I hadn't listened to him, I wouldn't be here, would I?

I was traumatized. But, I had this new drive. I got into dating, and I started my own burlesque act. Papa had to move back to Germany, and I told him I would be fine on my own. Idiot. Money got tighter, and eventually, I had to…you know…sell myself. Papa found out, (he visited me for a couple of days) and now I had to deal with him.

* * *

"Yust exactly how many men vere there?"

"Not many, yust…not many!"

"You do not deserve your family name! Wenn ich sehe dich nie wieder, werde es zu bald!"

He stormed out of my house.

"Papa...Papa! Kommen zurück, Papa!"

I sat on my floor, cried, and remembered…

Everything.


	2. Chapter 1- Mama Died Today

**Hello, People who actually READ!**

**I already have a review! I'm guessing this is the first Blazing Saddles fic…I don't know…but I think so! Wow. I don't know why there aren't any others. Weird. Anyhow, I hope you like this so far! Happy reading!**

**Ullabloom**

**Part I: Past**

My father met my mother in Berlin. Mildred Little, a mutual friend…an American, had set them up. Bitch.

She didn't know it, but my Parents hated each other. Ivanna Holbein, mother, did not have enough education to get a good job. Hans von Studebaker, father, knew he was her only chance for survival. After a few months, he proposed. She accepted, and right after they got married, they tried to have a girl…and they succeeded. The next year, August 8-the day of the peace festival, I came. My mother and I were fairly close, unlike me and my father. When I turned four, she fell ill. She kept having high fevers and diarrhea. I was worried.

* * *

"Mama," I beckoned her, holding out a card. "I made you this."

She took it. "Ach, danke Sveetheart!" she replied.

"Vat good does a card do?" asked Papa. "Mama has to go through this agony, und you yust give her this gottverlassenen piece of paper! Töricht weibchen!"

"Hans, do not call her that! Sie muss nicht deinen Mist nehmen wie ich, wenn Sie vorgeschlagen haben mir!"

Papa was mad. He grabbed me, took me down to the cellar, and started beating me. I hated those beatings…

Mama was in a trance. She didn't talk to us for days. She just lay in bed, staring out the window. On the day she died, she gave me a little locket.

"Lili…" she said, weakly. "you muzt protect this nickelace vith your life. It vas your grandmuthers. I spvent the last vew days trying to figure out if I should give it to you or not. Vear it every day. Promise me you vill!"

"I vill mama!" I screamed, crying. "I vill, I vill!"

"Gut, my little bottervly."

She let go of my hand. "Auf Wiedersehen, Lili."

She closed her eyes, breathed out, and went to sleep. The next week, after her funeral, Papa and I moved to Dusseldorf. We stayed there for the next 5 years.

* * *

Save me, mama. Save me.


End file.
